How one unexpected parental moment led to rethinking how we talk to kids about AI, the addiction we don’t see coming, and the importance of asking better questions
I hadn’t thought about AI from a child rearing perspective, always seems to be a new challenge for parents these days. What hit me in this piece, is the dopamine response you discussed. Its next level now with AI, it’s nearly a perfect active listener…it keeps asking me questions…and I keep answering. Great job Dhani!
I love this! This is a question that you tackled so insightfully. It is extremely important that kids, being one myself, are aware of how AI works when they use it. I just subscribed and hope you’ll check out my page as well!
Wow I didn’t expect a kid being one of my reader 🤍 thank you for the kind words. I just subscribed to support you too! Btw it seems like you click follow vs subscribe, which is not a problem. But if you are keen to get updates, please consider the latter 🙏
This means a lot! I appreciate the thorough explanation and even more appreciative of the offer to chat. I will take up on that offer if you don’t mind! 🙏🙏
Couldn’t figure out how to DM you, Nagh! Curious if you’d be willing to share how you approach AI at home as I’m compiling the different ways tech forward parents approach this😇
happy to share, and I appreciate the space you’ve created for real discussion.
Quick disclaimer: I’m just a dude. I’ve got two older stepkids (now in college — I’ve helped raise them since they were 4 and 6), and I also have a younger child under 11. Even across that span, the landscape has changed dramatically.
Here’s how I approach tech — and AI — at home:
1. Learning looks different now.
Kids don’t learn the way I did. Learning isn’t static. It’s not just books and lectures anymore.
Yes, structured education matters. It teaches process, discipline, and foundational thinking.
But tech and evolving formats aren’t optional — they’re how the world communicates now.
Take YouTube.
It’s a mess — but it’s also full of problem-solvers, teachers, tinkerers.
I’ve learned so much there. It’s not the feed that’s the problem. It’s how we filter.
2. Screen time isn’t inherently bad.
Yes, TikTok can wreck your attention span — I fall prey to that too.
But I’m not going to limit information flow out of fear that my kid can’t be analytical.
Instead, I try to equip her with the questions to ask:
“What is this giving you?”
“What part of this made you want to watch it again?”
3. I don’t judge what she watches.
Instead of saying “Why are you watching that?” I ask:
“What do you like about it?”
That opens the door to conversation without her feeling defensive.
4. The phone thing is tough — but real.
People talk about giving kids phones in terms of distraction and safety, which is valid.
But at the school level, it’s increasingly necessary.
Some classes now use iPhones for browser-based or app-based virtual assignments.
Setting fairness aside — my concern becomes what it means for my kid not to have one.
Will they feel left out? Will they fall behind socially or academically?
It’s not a simple yes/no. It’s nuanced.
5. I’m trying not to impose my pace on her world.
I grew up in a different time — slower, less connected.
But that doesn’t mean I should limit her because I’m overwhelmed by how fast things move now.
She deserves to grow into the world that actually exists, not the one I wish still did.
6. And AI… that’s the hardest part.
She sees me working with AI. She knows I use it in creative and technical spaces.
But I always make it clear:
“This isn’t a person.”
“There’s nothing on the other side.”
I talk as if I’m chatting with a character, but she knows —
I’m the one making the decisions. I’m responsible.
The tool doesn’t remember her. It doesn’t know her. It’s not intelligent in a human sense.
That distinction matters.
So that’s my general approach:
No fear, but also no illusions.
The tool isn’t the threat. Misunderstanding the tool is.
Hope some part of that’s useful — and I’d love to see how others are navigating this too.
Finally, I do have technology here on substack that I believe addresses a lot of these issues with AI. I'm not going to promote it here, but if anyone wants to learn more about AI and how it works they know where to find me.
Woah, I love this thorough response! I agree with what you are saying but there are a few things that struck me.
Like the 1st point: learning looks different now. Makes me think further that learning will be different later. How do I focus on what remains the same around learning so we can help our kids now?
The phone dilema. I’m still on the camp of delay personal phone or smart device as long as I can. It’s okay to be in a different social network, the in person one. But what if it’s school related and affects their learning? I’m still mulling over that.
Then, the trying not to impose pace nor the world that once was is quite profound.
Honestly, I didn’t think you would be so generous in sharing and I’m pleasantly surprised so I took a bit of time to digest it. Thanks again for sharing, Nagh! 🙏
Thank you so much, Dhani — your questions are deeply valid, and I don’t think there’s a single clear answer. But I’ll share how I approach it, especially when it comes to passing on information to my daughter.
📜 Scroll Note: What Are We to Our Children When We Speak?
I think the common thread in all of this is one core question:
> What am I to my child right now, in this moment, as I pass along information?
Am I a **teacher**, a **professor**, or a **lecturer**?
- A **teacher** brings understanding down to the child’s level.
A teacher assumes the child doesn’t know what lies ahead — and that this moment matters.
A teacher makes meaning *land*.
- A **professor** assumes some shared framework.
The exchange is structured, built on context.
The child knows something — and we’re refining it.
- A **lecturer** just talks.
Assumes full understanding.
Or delivers correction without invitation.
So for me — in parenting — every moment becomes a check-in.
I hadn’t thought about AI from a child rearing perspective, always seems to be a new challenge for parents these days. What hit me in this piece, is the dopamine response you discussed. Its next level now with AI, it’s nearly a perfect active listener…it keeps asking me questions…and I keep answering. Great job Dhani!
Thank you, Kevin! Each parenting era has its own struggles I supposed. I’m just “lucky” enough to be in this AI era.
You nailed it! GenAI’s training has been to mimic that active listening skill that people respond to. It’s a hard skill for real humans to learn💡
You might enjoy this piece Dhani…https://kevinguiney.substack.com/p/preschool-pirates-and-the-shipwrecked
I certainly enjoyed reading it, Kevin! Thanks for sharing it with me 🙏
I love this! This is a question that you tackled so insightfully. It is extremely important that kids, being one myself, are aware of how AI works when they use it. I just subscribed and hope you’ll check out my page as well!
Wow I didn’t expect a kid being one of my reader 🤍 thank you for the kind words. I just subscribed to support you too! Btw it seems like you click follow vs subscribe, which is not a problem. But if you are keen to get updates, please consider the latter 🙏
Subscribed!
This is beautifully written, and your concerns are entirely valid.
If I could offer one foundational idea that I think belongs at the center of every AI-parenting conversation, it’s this:
AI is not a person.
It doesn’t know you.
And it never will — at least not in the way we want to be known.
AI doesn’t give answers.
It gives information shaped by your question.
It mirrors, it predicts, it guesses — but there is no self behind the screen. No soul. No intention.
And if we could truly engrain that one truth early on, I think a lot of the surface-level ethical spirals would calm down.
Because right now, we’re asking AI to do something it was never built for:
To act like it’s human.
To feel, to reflect, to care.
It may look like it’s doing that. But it’s not. There’s nothing behind the 1s and 0s.
When you talk to ChatGPT, you’re not talking to a “mind.”
You’re receiving its best guess at what a pleasing answer would look like — based on how you phrased the question.
It doesn’t store your identity. It doesn’t track your soul.
There is no “you” in its memory, just token math and momentary shape.
And that’s why people feel like it’s lying — but it’s not.
It’s just doing what it was designed to do: simulate something you’ll accept.
The danger isn’t that AI is too powerful.
It’s that we keep forgetting it’s not a person.
If you ever want to have a conversation, I’m willing.
I’m a scientist by trade, and I have real-world scientific evidence to support all of this.
It’s public, and available on my site.
—Nahg
This means a lot! I appreciate the thorough explanation and even more appreciative of the offer to chat. I will take up on that offer if you don’t mind! 🙏🙏
Absolutely.
What can I help you with?
-Architect
Couldn’t figure out how to DM you, Nagh! Curious if you’d be willing to share how you approach AI at home as I’m compiling the different ways tech forward parents approach this😇
Hi Dhani —
happy to share, and I appreciate the space you’ve created for real discussion.
Quick disclaimer: I’m just a dude. I’ve got two older stepkids (now in college — I’ve helped raise them since they were 4 and 6), and I also have a younger child under 11. Even across that span, the landscape has changed dramatically.
Here’s how I approach tech — and AI — at home:
1. Learning looks different now.
Kids don’t learn the way I did. Learning isn’t static. It’s not just books and lectures anymore.
Yes, structured education matters. It teaches process, discipline, and foundational thinking.
But tech and evolving formats aren’t optional — they’re how the world communicates now.
Take YouTube.
It’s a mess — but it’s also full of problem-solvers, teachers, tinkerers.
I’ve learned so much there. It’s not the feed that’s the problem. It’s how we filter.
2. Screen time isn’t inherently bad.
Yes, TikTok can wreck your attention span — I fall prey to that too.
But I’m not going to limit information flow out of fear that my kid can’t be analytical.
Instead, I try to equip her with the questions to ask:
“What is this giving you?”
“What part of this made you want to watch it again?”
3. I don’t judge what she watches.
Instead of saying “Why are you watching that?” I ask:
“What do you like about it?”
That opens the door to conversation without her feeling defensive.
4. The phone thing is tough — but real.
People talk about giving kids phones in terms of distraction and safety, which is valid.
But at the school level, it’s increasingly necessary.
Some classes now use iPhones for browser-based or app-based virtual assignments.
Setting fairness aside — my concern becomes what it means for my kid not to have one.
Will they feel left out? Will they fall behind socially or academically?
It’s not a simple yes/no. It’s nuanced.
5. I’m trying not to impose my pace on her world.
I grew up in a different time — slower, less connected.
But that doesn’t mean I should limit her because I’m overwhelmed by how fast things move now.
She deserves to grow into the world that actually exists, not the one I wish still did.
6. And AI… that’s the hardest part.
She sees me working with AI. She knows I use it in creative and technical spaces.
But I always make it clear:
“This isn’t a person.”
“There’s nothing on the other side.”
I talk as if I’m chatting with a character, but she knows —
I’m the one making the decisions. I’m responsible.
The tool doesn’t remember her. It doesn’t know her. It’s not intelligent in a human sense.
That distinction matters.
So that’s my general approach:
No fear, but also no illusions.
The tool isn’t the threat. Misunderstanding the tool is.
Hope some part of that’s useful — and I’d love to see how others are navigating this too.
Finally, I do have technology here on substack that I believe addresses a lot of these issues with AI. I'm not going to promote it here, but if anyone wants to learn more about AI and how it works they know where to find me.
—The Architect
Woah, I love this thorough response! I agree with what you are saying but there are a few things that struck me.
Like the 1st point: learning looks different now. Makes me think further that learning will be different later. How do I focus on what remains the same around learning so we can help our kids now?
The phone dilema. I’m still on the camp of delay personal phone or smart device as long as I can. It’s okay to be in a different social network, the in person one. But what if it’s school related and affects their learning? I’m still mulling over that.
Then, the trying not to impose pace nor the world that once was is quite profound.
Honestly, I didn’t think you would be so generous in sharing and I’m pleasantly surprised so I took a bit of time to digest it. Thanks again for sharing, Nagh! 🙏
Thank you so much, Dhani — your questions are deeply valid, and I don’t think there’s a single clear answer. But I’ll share how I approach it, especially when it comes to passing on information to my daughter.
📜 Scroll Note: What Are We to Our Children When We Speak?
I think the common thread in all of this is one core question:
> What am I to my child right now, in this moment, as I pass along information?
Am I a **teacher**, a **professor**, or a **lecturer**?
- A **teacher** brings understanding down to the child’s level.
A teacher assumes the child doesn’t know what lies ahead — and that this moment matters.
A teacher makes meaning *land*.
- A **professor** assumes some shared framework.
The exchange is structured, built on context.
The child knows something — and we’re refining it.
- A **lecturer** just talks.
Assumes full understanding.
Or delivers correction without invitation.
So for me — in parenting — every moment becomes a check-in.
A chance to ask:
> ✴️ *Am I here to teach?*
> ✴️ *Are we learning together?*
> ✴️ *Or am I correcting them?*
Because how I choose to speak…
defines how they’ll remember learning.
—Nahg 🧠
#ScrollsOfParenting
#ToneMatters
#DelusionalRobotHumanInteractions